Meg님이 1일 전 업데이트 - 1 개의 댓글
I think that even if you are in a relationship – committed or not – you should not be shy or ashamed to flirt with strangers.
If you pass a nice man or woman in a shopping centre or stop next to someone at the traffic lights or if you go to a dinner party and find someone there interesting and engage in a whole evening of flirting (assuming your partner is not there as well – that’s just uncomfortable), I think it is ok.
In fact, it might even be beneficial to your relationship. Feeling desired makes you feel sexy. And that sexiness is what you are bringing home to your partner.
Of course there needs to be a boundary and there is a fine line between flirting and emotional cheating. It really depends on your intention. If you flirt with a stranger because it makes you feel good about yourself, then why not flirt? If you flirt with them in the hopes of beginning a little fling; don’t. Or do, but end your other relationship first. No one likes a cheater and if that is what you are planning, then your heart in clearly not in your current relationship anyway. Or you need therapy.
So if it is harmless flirting, I say go ahead – as long as it doesn’t upset your partner beyond a little beneficial jealousy. You will probably make the other person feel good about themselves too. It’s win-win.
Blog-tionary:
There is a fine line between…: there is a very small space between one thing and another.
Fling: short, uncommitted relationship
Meg님이 3일 전 업데이트 - 1 개의 댓글
What do you do if you are dating someone and you start to hear rumours? And I am talking here about rumours relating to your relationship. Say for example, someone saw your partner with another person last Friday and they looked intimate.
The first questions you need to ask yourself are: what is this person’s possible intention in spreading the story? Did they come straight to me first or did they tell other people first? Are they worried about my happiness or are they just spreading a rumour?
If your partner has already told you about this, then there is probably nothing to worry about. It’s the things that they keep secret from you that are concerning. So if you find out something suspicious from a third party and your partner hasn’t already told you about this, then it might be worth asking them about it. If they deny it or come across as guilty, then you will probably come to the obvious conclusion. Be careful here to not believe something just because you want to believe it. Try to be as objective as possible.
At the end of the day I believe that – unless someone is really out to hurt you – there is no smoke without a fire. Chat to your partner about your concerns before you do anything rash, but don’t just let it slide. No one likes to be last to know.
Blog-tionary:
At the end of the day: ultimately/finally
There is no smoke without a fire: an expression meaning that there is usually truth in a rumour
Rash: sudden/impulsive (also a skin reaction)
Let it slide: ignore it/let it be
Meg님이 업데이트: 2012-02-01 오전 4:00:40 - 0 개의 댓글
Many people in new relationships often wonder about the pace and development of their relationship. When should they have their first date? When should they have their first kiss? Should they call their partner ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’? Should they get engaged? When should they get engaged? How long do they wait before they get married/have children? The questions go on and on.
And some people try to offer some kind of time frame for all of the circumstances: you should only kiss on the third date; you should live together for a year before you get married; you should wait two years after getting married before you have your first child…
The fact is, no matter how much you try and quantify a relationship, human beings are not quantifiable. And no one person – and therefore relationship – is the same. Each person and each relationship needs to make their own decisions. What works for one relationship may not work for another. You may kiss on the first date or you may wait until the day you get married. It’s entirely up to the two people involved in the relationship. No one on the outside should judge as they do not have the full picture.
As difficult as it can be try not to be influenced by your family’s or friends’ expectations. If you do, things may be ok for a while but ultimately you will not be happy unless you listen to your own heart and that of your partner’s.
Blog-tionary:
Pace: speed
To go on: continue
Quantify: to give a number/quantity to something
It is up to you: it is your decision/choice
The full picture: the complete understanding
Meg님이 업데이트: 2012-01-30 오전 10:29:52 - 1 개의 댓글
When your heart gets broken it can be very difficult to maintain any sense of self worth. Broken hearts are a strange thing. When you are in love, you often subconsciously base much of your self worth on the relationship and the fact that the other person thinks you are worthy.
Naturally this means that if that person breaks up with you, your sense of self worth disappears together with them.
For me this is the most difficult part of a break up: picking up the pieces of your self worth. Try to remember that you are the same person that your partner originally fell in love with. You are as worthy of love, affection and attention as you were before. You cannot base your entire sense of self worth on one person’s opinion: especially if that person is dealing with their own personal issues. It may just be that your ex feels that you have grown in different directions.
Look around you at all the other people in your life who do think you are fantastic: your family and friends. They loved you throughout your relationship and they still do. What makes their high opinion of you count any less?
You are valued, loved and worthy. If you don’t believe that, how can you expect a new partner to believe it? The sooner you remember that, the sooner a new partner will be attracted into your life.
Blog-tionary:
Self worth: your opinion of yourself
Subconsciously: your thoughts that you are not aware of
Meg님이 업데이트: 2012-01-14 오전 2:34:36 - 1 개의 댓글
When we talk about men and women, we often talk about Venus and Mars. The idea being that men and women are so different from each other that they are from completely different planets. And that somehow most men have certain characteristics and most women have others. I agree that in many respects this is true (although we do need to make allowance for some overlap). And it’s not something that we necessarily have a lot of control over. I mean, if we want the situation to be different, then we have a difficult battle ahead because then we are fighting against biology. Hormones in particular. They don’t just make women moody; they affect a range of behaviours in men and women.
But while this is, to a large extent, true, I also think that we mustn’t lose sight of what we have in common. If we start thinking we are really that different, then we start to disconnect from each other. At the end of the day, men and women are still the same species and some basic needs and desires are going to remain the same.
We both have a need to belong. We both have a need to feel wanted and loved. We both need affection. We both need some down time and days when we are just quiet for no reason.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking your partner is your polar opposite. There are differences, that is true – but just enough to keep it interesting.
Blog-tionary
Overlap: to have common characteristics
Battle: fight
Hormones: chemicals in body that regulate different functions
Moody: moods/emotions are unstable and inconsistent
To a large extent: mostly/very much
Lose sight of: not follow/be unable to track something
At the end of the day: ultimately/finally/in the end
Polar opposite: complete opposite (on the opposite end of the spectrum)
Meg님이 업데이트: 2012-01-11 오전 9:23:42 - 4 개의 댓글
One of the secrets to a lasting relationship is to understand that people change. The person that you met and fell in love with remains essentially the same person, but we all evolve (at least I hope we do – rather than remain stagnant). It’s a good thing; it’s progress. But it isn’t always understood by the partner.
Something that doesn’t change has no place in life. Life is constantly changing and adapting – a relationship should too.
You don’t need to do anything specifically; just understand that your partner is not going to remain exactly the same for the duration of your relationship. Be flexible. Our needs change, our hobbies and interests change, our way of seeing the world changes…
If you feel the need to control your partner and any sign of change in them frightens you, then you are en route to singledom.
Just as your partner should be allowed the freedom to evolve, so, too should they afford you the same necessity.
The ebb and flow of a relationship is inevitable. You cannot control your partner: what they like, who they are, who they like…The easier this is for you to accept, the longer-lasting and happier your relationship will be.
Blog-tionary:
Stagnant: not moving/not changing (negative)
En route: on the way to
Singledom: (slang) the state of being single
To afford someone something: to allow/give someone something
Ebb and flow: (usually used of a river) the changeability/variation
Inevitable: cannot be avoided/predictable
Meg님이 업데이트: 2012-01-08 오전 9:01:12 - 4 개의 댓글
What happens if you are best friends with someone and then you wake up one day and realise that you are actually attracted to them too. It can get a little complicated. If he/she is attracted to you too, great! Then all you have to do is pluck up the courage to tell them.
On the other hand, what happens if they have said at some point or another that they do not want to get romantically involved with you; they love you but as a friend and they think that taking the relationship to the next level means that you will lose the great friendship that you’ve got?
Is this person telling the truth or are they making excuses? Are you just filling in for the future girlfriend/boyfriend until they find them? Is there a good chance that you will get hurt?
I’m afraid I think there is. The fact is, if someone is attracted to you, it is highly unlikely that, when questioned, they would say that they love you but don’t want to ruin the friendship. Every now and then one of these stories actually does evolve, successfully, into a full-blown relationship and it is these rare successes that keep the doomed relationships hoping.
Tread carefully if you are in this situation, there is a good chance you will get hurt.
Blog-tionary:
Pluck up the courage: create/find the courage
At some point or another: at one time or another in the past
Take the relationship to the next level: move to the next stage of the relationship (in this case from friendship to romance)
Ruin: damage/destroy
Doomed: destined to fail
Tread: walk
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-12-06 오전 3:29:20 - 1 개의 댓글
Most people know that when you mix money with any relationship, the risk of problems and drama increases exponentially – in other words, the more money involved, the more potential you create for problems. In fact, the experts warn us that 80% of all fights in a marriage are about money. It is an area of relationships that we are often unprepared for.
We all enter into a relationship with different ideas of money. How much do we need to be happy? How much do we spend on luxuries? How much do we borrow and lend? And who do we borrow from and lend to?
Differing ideas of borrowing and lending is where many of the big problems come into play. Lending money to a partner that you don’t know very well yet can be the kiss of death for a relationship. Especially if the relationship breaks up and you are then left having to harass your ex for the money you lent them. This can really create a hostile breakup since it is a great channel for aggression and anger; emotions that you need to justify after a breakup.
My point is, money is a real issue that needs to be discussed in a relationship. Each partner needs to understand the other’s views on this topic. Do not think that it will take the romance out of the relationship. Fighting over money will take the romance out of the relationship. Talking about it and learning to understand your partner shows respect and concern for the welfare of the relationship. That is romantic.
Blog-tionary:
Exponentially: increasing more each time
Harass: annoy and irritate
Hostile: aggressive and unfriendly
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-12-05 오전 10:23:22 - 2 개의 댓글
The other day a friend wanted to consult with me about a problem he was having with his partner. Being my usual inquisitive and possibly a little nosey self, I was obviously keen to hear his dramas. He began by saying that I mustn’t tell anyone that he’d told me because his partner had asked him not to talk about the problem to anyone.
Normally I would have nodded politely and then listened. But suddenly I found myself not wanting to know. Suddenly I realised that it would be disrespectful to his partner and to their relationship. The problem is that when people have a problem that they want to talk about – even if it is confidential – they will find a willing ear. I decided I had to be the strong one. I decided to be an unwilling ear. Not because I am not a good friend and not because I wasn’t interested, but because I wanted to respect their relationship. And so I asked him not to tell me. The funny thing is he wasn’t upset. He also suddenly realised that it really wasn’t the right thing to do.
The truth is if something is a private issue in your relationship, it should stay that way. Talking about it to other people undermines the strength and intimacy of a relationship. A relationship is a unit. It is something that needs to be protected and nourished. I think if you are talking about private affairs in public, it is a sign that it’s time to work on those aspects of your relationship.
Blog-tionary:
Inquisitive: wanting to know something
Nosey: wanting to know something that isn’t really your business/someone else’s private affairs
Nod: move your head up and down to indicate ‘yes’
Willing: you want and are able to do something
Undermine: make some authority weaker
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-11-21 오전 10:16:11 - 1 개의 댓글
I love it when people fall in love and, assuming they are not in love with someone who is wrong for them or someone who I am in love with, I am even happier when it happens to a friend of mine. I love sharing in the excitement and thrill of the process.
However, there is definitely a shelf life when it comes to celebrating your friend’s love successes. And for everyone it is different. I think for me, my enthusiasm lasts about 3 weeks. After that, I’d prefer not to hear every intimate detail about their date on Friday night. In fact, hearing every intimate detail actually becomes quite annoying.
I don’t think I’m alone in this and I am glad that I have now been made aware that, while my family and friends are happy for me, they don’t have to live through every single moment with me.
This can be much more difficult if you, yourself, are not in a happy relationship with someone. In this case, it can be a cause for jealousy and unhappiness.
So if you have recently met someone and/or fallen in love, take it easy on your friends. If you are not sure how much to share with them, err on the side of caution. If they need more information, they will ask.
Blog-tionary:
Thrill: excitment
Shelf life: the amount of time food that you buy from a shop will last before going off
Err on the side of caution: act so that the least dangerous of the possible mistakes will happen
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-11-14 오전 9:53:37 - 4 개의 댓글
What happens when you are friends with someone and they suddenly and possibly unexpectedly confess to feeling more for you than friendship? If you feel the same way then it can be the most fantastic confession ever. I’ve always advocated friendship before romance and in this case you get both.
However, as sometimes happens, you may not feel the same – you may feel that this person is and always will be a close friend, but nothing more.
This is where it gets difficult. How can you hurt a close friend? But you cannot pretend to feel something that isn’t there.
This kind of confession will change a friendship forever. You may never be able to go back to what you had now that you know that this person wants more. It may be awkward.
You may be able to recover your friendship and go back to how it was, but there will always be a question mark. The other problem being that as long as you are friends with this person and as long as they are hoping to make you feel the same about them, the longer they are closing themselves off to another potential relationship. Should you encourage your friend to date other people? Should you try to cut down on the time you spend together? How would you feel if they did find someone else? Jealous? Happy?
As much as a confession like this may turn your life upside down, I respect someone who is honest. It could lead to the love of your life, it could not. Either way, if you don’t ask, you’ll never know.
Blog-tionary:
Confess: admit/say something that is true that you had been keeping a secret
Advocate: support/promote
Cut down on: reduce the quantity
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-11-07 오전 11:06:55 - 2 개의 댓글
How fast should a relationship progress? That is like asking how long should a piece of string be? Or what is the best colour in the world? It really depends on the people involved and what will be, will be.
However, I have noticed a trend. Relationships that start out fast and are very intense, seem to suddenly hit a difficult patch. Whether or not it recovers is up to the individuals concerned.
But more often than not, if a relationship starts out slowly and progresses at a steady pace, the chance of the relationship experiencing longevity is higher.
I suspect it has something to do with expectations. If a relationship moves very quickly and you have expectations, the chances are, at some point, you will be disappointed. If, on the other hand, you move slowly, your expectations are more likely to be realistic – meaning a better chance of relationship survival.
Which is not to say that short, intense relationships don’t have a place in our love experiences – they certainly do – just that we shouldn’t be too disappointed or too surprised if they don’t work.
Blog-tionary:
Trend: a general movement or direction
Difficult patch: short, difficult space of time
Steady pace: stable, secure, balanced speed
Longevity: long life
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-10-26 오전 9:57:41 - 1 개의 댓글
Something that I think is essential information for anyone in a committed or long-term relationship – or anyone hoping to one day be in a committed or long-term relationship is that things will not always be perfect.
I know this sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people enter into relationships and marriages with unrealistic expectations. They think that if you love someone, that love will always automatically be there and as long as the love is there, everything else will fall into place. That kind of thinking puts a lot of pressure on the partner involved and indeed on the relationship.
The fact is, in any long-term relationship, love takes work. It needs to be nurtured. There will be days when you wake up and don’t feel like being with that person. There will be times when you look at your partner and think, ‘Who are you?’ or ‘I am not attracted to you.’
The important – and in fact, crucial – thing to remember here is that the feeling will most likely pass. Of course, if you find yourself thinking that all the time, then maybe it is time to move on, but in general, these feelings come and go in a relationship. It’s vital that you accept that as a normal part of a relationship and don’t overanalyse it. Go with it and you will soon find yourself back in love with that person wondering what happened and so grateful that you didn’t throw in the towel.
Blog-tionary:
Essential/crucial/vital: extremely important
Nurtured: cared for and made to grow
Overanalyse: think about something too much and try to understand it
Throw in the towel: like at the end of a boxing match when the boxer throws the towel into the ring to show that the game is over or that he quits/gives up
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-10-19 오전 11:52:34 - 0 개의 댓글
I have noticed something strange and interesting about myself. Whenever I am going through an insecure phase of my life, I seem to develop a crush on a man who happens to be a part of my daily life.
And in fact, at one time, I actually developed a crush on a work colleague when a flirtation with another man came to an end (when our circumstances changed which meant we didn’t see much of each other anymore). In other words, I was feeling insecure about losing the attentions of one man, so I went looking for the attentions of another man.
So while I am feeling insecure, I look for attention from a nearby male to alleviate that insecurity. The irony of all of this, is that it only takes one unanswered email or one day of not seeing him to plunge me into despair once again.
It’s like an emotional roller-coaster ride and it really doesn’t help me feel any more secure. And yet, time and time again, I do it.
And so think of the last paragraph of the book ‘The Thornbirds’:
"The bird with the thorn in its breast, it follows an immutable law; it is driven by it knows not what to impale itself, and die singing. At the very instant the thorn enters there is no awareness in it of the dying to come; it simply sings and sings until there is not the life left to utter another note.
But we, when we put the thorns in our breasts, we know. We understand. And still we do it.
Still we do it."
Blog-tionary:
Crush: romantic feelings about someone that are not usually acted on
Alleviate: to lighten/make easier
Plunge (me) into despair: very dramatic way of saying it makes me feel terrible and depressed
Roller-coaster ride: a fairground ride where you travel up and down fast
Thorn: part of a rose that can hurt you
Immutable: unchanging
Impale: to put something into your chest to kill yourself/stab
Utter: to speak/make a sound
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-10-13 오후 1:41:29 - 3 개의 댓글
What happens if you get married and for many years you are happily married until you meet the person you feel you should have married?
Is it really true that this is the person you should have married? Do we have more than one soul mate? Will we meet another person in another few years who could also have been the person we should have married? Is it that in the intervening years, you have changed? Or your needs and values have changed? Or is it that you didn’t know what you wanted until you met this person?
Whatever the reason, what do you do about it? It’s obviously imperative that you ascertain whether this feeling is really about the person involved or whether it is about something going on in your life. Maybe you are bored in your current relationship – and there is no guarantee that you wouldn’t be bored with this new person either in a few years. And if you are bored, you need to take accountability for that. Relationships don’t look after themselves, they need to be created and nurtured. Half of that is up to you.
But I digress: what happens if you genuinely believe that this new person is the right one for you? I think this must be one of the toughest decisions in life. It’s such a risk to leave your current partner and hope that the new relationship works. Could you live with your decision either way? There could be so much anger and hurt and yet, we only get one life, shouldn’t we be happy?
Blog-tionary:
Intervening: the time/part in between
Imperative: important/essential
Ascertain: to make sure/make certain/determine
To take accountability for: to be responsible for
Nurtured: to be cared for and made to be healthy and grow
I digress: I am going off the topic
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-09-28 오후 12:40:38 - 12 개의 댓글
Can men and women be friends? I really do not think there is a definitive answer to this question. I think is depends on the circumstances and the people involved. It also depends largely on the depth of the friendship.
If you are not attracted to each other, then it is simple. However, it is more likely to be the case that one or other of you are not attracted to the other person but not both. In my experience, if I am friends with a man, it is usually because I am attracted to him or he is attracted to me. It goes without saying that if the attraction is mutual, then a friendship will be difficult.
I think the real problem here is the connection and depth of the friendship. I think that it is difficult for a man and a woman to be friends if a real connection develops – and if the friendship develops depth. I think it is only natural – when a heterosexual man and a woman have any kind of relationship – to have a question mark hanging over the relationship...even subconsciously.
Would you be able to have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex without wondering – at least once – what it would be like to be with them?
If, however, you have already been with the person and it didn’t work, then perhaps a friendship could work. You tried it. It didn’t work. You’ve accepted that and moved on. As long as one or other of you is not still in love.
So I guess the answer is to befriend people you are not attracted to – which seems unlikely since connection is attraction and still doesn’t help if they are attracted to you – or ensure that those kinds of friendships remain reasonably shallow.
Blog-tionary:
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-09-26 오후 12:04:30 - 2 개의 댓글
I have always been of the opinion that you cannot love two people at the same time. I am talking here about romantic love, of course. However, lately I have had to reassess that belief.
I do still believe that it is only possible to have a relationship with one person at a time – at least a meaningful relationship where two people connect as a partnership – however I now understand that it is possible to love two people at the same time.
Everyone loves the people that they love for different reasons. Different people bring out different aspects of ourselves and help us to heal different wounds that we may have. Every now and then more than one person – if you allow it – can creep into your heart and you can suddenly find yourself falling in love with them.
I now know not to judge someone who says that they are in love with two people. We are all who we are because of our life experiences and we cannot know what other people need in their relationships or what works for them.
Human beings were designed to engage and connect. It is just human nature.
What you choose to do with that love, is up to you.
Blog-tionary:
Reassess: to think about again and maybe change your point of view
Wounds: injuries
Creep: to walk quietly and secretly
Engage: to become involved
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-09-21 오전 12:53:33 - 1 개의 댓글
When you are friends with a member of the opposite sex or someone that could potentially be a love interest, there is always a line. The line might be different for different people and for different situations, but it is there. And once you have crossed that line, the relationship will forever be changed.
And after you have crossed that first line, there may well be a second line. One that – if crossed – takes you to another level of the relationship.
The difficulty here is identifying the line (or lines) and ensuring that you do not cross them unless it is your intention to do so and it will be taken in the right way by the other person involved.
This becomes more difficult to manage if you are already in a relationship. Take for example a man that – until recently – I have always thought of as a friend. We always remained firmly behind ‘the line’ until one day, in an email, he wrote a comment about how my partner is a lucky man. All of a sudden I became highly aware of the fact that he didn’t just see me as a friend, but as a woman. This instantly created a different dynamic. Line crossed.
Since we cannot control what others do, we can only worry about what we do. But at least it will always add interest and excitement to our lives!
Blog-tionary:
Cross: walk over
Firmly: strongly
Dynamic: energy
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-09-19 오후 3:02:35 - 2 개의 댓글
What do you do if you have had a friend for a long time that could potentially be a romantic relationship but neither of you really thought of it in that light until it dawns on one or other of you that there is more to it than friendship. Do you tell the other person? What happens if it ruins the friendship? What happens if they like you romantically, too, so you try to make it work but in the end it doesn’t? Or if he says he doesn’t feel the same?
This is such a difficult situation. Many people would just leave the relationship as it is, believing that sometimes it’s not worth the risk. Maybe just the hope that he might be interested in more than friendship is what you really need and not actually the relationship.
But I am of the opinion that you only live once, so just try. If it doesn’t work at least you are then emotionally free to move on and you have your answer to a potentially agonising question. I also don’t think that the friendship would necessarily be ruined irreparably. If you are both mature and adult about it, you can work it out.
But you do need to tread carefully.
Blog-tionary:
In that light: in that way
Dawns on you: you realise something
Potentially: something that may possibly happen in the right circumstances
Agonising: extremely painful
Irreparably: unable to be repaired/fixed
Tread: walk over something
Meg님이 업데이트: 2011-08-26 오전 12:23:27 - 4 개의 댓글
Some people – and I am so glad it has never been me – have had to make a choice between the person they are in love with and their friends and/or family.
Sometimes, when someone falls in love, their chosen partner is not accepted by their friends or family. In this case, the person concerned may be given an ultimatum. Him or us.
I would hate to be in this position and I am not sure what I would do either. Since I have never been in this position I cannot really make any judgments but I can say that I know that in the past, my friends and family – since they have known me a long time – have seen something in my partner that wasn’t good for me before I saw it. And, in fact, in most cases, I only saw it after we had broken up and I had spent a good deal of time feeling heartbroken and cut-up.
I think that when it comes to deciding on a partner our own judgement is often clouded by attraction, whereas those around us can see the situation more clearly.
I am not necessarily suggesting that our friends and family are always right about our choice of partner, but I think it does pay to listen to them. The can often offer a valuable, level-headed opinion.
If however, you do choose ‘him’ and ‘us’, the good news is that family and friends will most likely be there to pick up the pieces should things go badly. That’s real love.
Blog-tionary:
stuck between a rock and a hard place: when you have to make a decision between two difficult options
Ultimatum: final demand/final conditions
Cut-up: extremely upset
Clouded by: something is made not clear
Level-headed: clear, logical, calm
Pick up the pieces: help someone recover from a problem/take on the responsibility where someone has left off
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